On Saturday morning, I went for a run and went to the Farmers’ Market with Kumquat. It had been at least a month since I had gone and it was nice to be back. Kumquat got to run around a bit and of course, tasted lots of fruit. This picture looks like she has secret service watching after her. After picking up some pluots, pears, and persimmons, we went to Hog Island for a tasty lunch. Ah…what a delicious feast. I had the gem lettuce salad, kumamoto oysters, baked oysters, and my favorite clam chowder.
After Kumquat’s nap, we headed down to Redwood City to check out Jason and Jia’s new place. We brought them a big box of fancy sparkling water and we said “cheers!”They moved last weekend and it’s a bigger, less expensive place with plenty of parking. It looks like everyone has made themselves pretty comfy there already and I was a good lounge chair that evening.For dinner, we went to La Viga and they had pretty good seafood. Kumquat seemed to enjoy the chips and habanero salsa. I’m amazed that she can tolerate so much heat! It’s the combination of Thai blood and her dad’s tastebuds I guess.
It’s Wednesday – a little over 3 days since Koa went to sleep. Each day has been easier for us but we’re still adjusting to his absence. He was such a big part of our life and daily routine. On Monday night, I was so touched by all the Facebook posts about him and to him. At one point, everyone in my immediate family had changed their profile picture to include Koa. He was really loved by so many people and appreciate I how he was considered more than just a dog. He was a family member.
It’s been weird waking up in the morning to complete silence. I’ve become so accustomed to having the sound of his feet walking behind me as I go to the bathroom to get ready for work. If the door was closed, he had the ability nudge it open so that he could join me. He had a funny routine of “greeting” the tub and the toilet by walking up to each and scratching each of them a few times.
When I come home from work, I don’t have to leave the house anymore. I had gotten pretty good with managing the stroller and the leash during our walks. We’d also go to Safeway to pick up stuff for dinner and he’d have to be tied up in the lobby. On Tuesday, Kumquat and I went to the store and on our way out, I automatically turned to go get him and he wasn’t there. Even Kumquat was expecting to see him there and said “GoGo” as we were turning. She seemed just as confused by his absence.
It’s easier to open the window in the bedroom now that I don’t have to climb over his bed. Jes had the difficult task of throwing his stuff away and he kept just a few items: Fabian, his dog tags, the food bowls, and his Robin costume. His box of toys in the corner is gone and so is his bed by the livingroom window. I’m also finding less hair on the furniture and my clothes.
This morning, I made a ham sandwich for Kumquat and her normal routine with a sandwich was to give Koa half of the bread. As I was cleaning up in the kitchen, I could hear her searching for him. She walked into the bedroom to look for him and when I said “GoGo’s not here.” She nearly threw a fit. It was the same reaction that she gives me when she asks for some milk or apple and I tell her that I don’t have any for her.
I guess it’s the little things that are bothering me now. Feeding Kumquat and cooking in the kitchen reminds me of him because he was my trusty crumb and scrap collector. When I was rummaging through the fridge, I found a bunch of carrots and thought, “Oh Koa will eat these.” Oh wait, not anymore. There was a fly in the house this morning and Koa wasn’t there to hunt him down. Did I mention that he had the ability to catch flies?
I miss him dearly and often have to keep myself from calling out to him when I get home or at night before I go to sleep. I knew he was a big part of my life but everything I do at home reminds me of him. Having the day off today was harder than I expected. Driving is harder than usual too because there’s nothing to do but think about him. Thankfully, Kumquat reminds me that “the show must go on” and that I have to keep living life. Instead of hiding in bed all day, I’ve had to move on quickly to continue taking care of her, Jes, and the house.
This morning we called the vet to see how our pup was doing. The blood tests showed no change in his creatinine (still 7) and overnight, he did not pee.
We went to see him around 9:30 and found him not as bright as yesterday, with labored breathing, and this look of defeat in his eyes. After a thorough review of all his tests with the vet, we decided that the best thing for him was to let him go peacefully.
He still had the catheter in so we asked for that to be removed and I took him for a short walk outside for old times’ sake. He tried to put a little hop in his step but he was obviously struggling. He sniffed around but he didn’t try to pee. When we got across the street, he pooped himself and seemed quite surprised by it. When I took him toward the entrance to the hospital, he pulled back a little but once he got inside, he picked up the pace. We laid him down on a towel in the exam room and after one last goodbye, the vet came in with two syringes. One put him to a deep sleep and the other one stopped his breathing. It was quick, painless, and I could hardly tell that anything had happened until Jes said that he was dead. He looked so peaceful when we left him. I think this was the right decision but it still makes us sad.
He lived a full life of 9 1/2 years and it makes us feel little better knowing that. He was born on a ranch in Arroyo Grande in the company of his dad, mom, aunts, brothers, and sisters. He grew up in Irvine and then moved to San Francisco. He was such a good dog: gentle, independent, quiet, clean, and most of all very loyal. He comforted me and kept me company when Jes was commuting to North Carolina every week and greeted us at the door with such excitement every time we’d come home.
He quickly adjusted to city life and loved going to Fort Funston, Chrissy Field, and Tahoe.
He knew a few tricks including the standard sit, shake, and lie down and even today when I told him to “go neh-neh”, he went over to the towel to lie down.
If someone new came over to our house (even if it was just once), he’d remember that person for life and greet you out in the street. Otherwise, he would look away and pay no attention to any stranger passing by.
He loved babies and when Kumquat came home from the hospital, he was so curious and so protective of anyone holding her. Whenever she would make a sound, he’d run over to the crib to check on her.
He played on the floor with her when she was little and he tolerated all her crying and complaining.
They were instant buddies and Kumquat adored him. I think it was mutual.
He allowed her to pull his tail, pat him roughly on the head, poke him in the eye, and play with his kibble without a single sign of aggression.
When he was younger, he would run up to 5 miles with me, play fetch with his tennis ball, and play tug of war with anything. On the first day we brought him home, he pooped himself when he heard a car zooming nearby. Funny that that was what he did on his last day of life too.
He housetrained himself and the only time he had an accident in the house was when he was really sick and no one was home to take him out to poop. If we were home, he’d sit by the door and make a quiet whimper or he’d wake me up at 3 am with the same quiet whimper to make sure that Jes (aka Bossman) wouldn’t wake up.
He wasn’t much of a lap dog but he appreciated a good head, back, or belly scratch. His favorite spot was on his back just in front of his tail. It would make his squirm and rub himself up against your leg for more.
He loved baby carrots, pizza, and Indian food. Whenever he’d hear an egg crack in the kitchen, he’d come running even if he was sound asleep in the other room. I can still hear the belch that he would make after a long drink of water. I still wait for the clicking sound of his nails on the floor when we sit down to eat at the table. If you gave him a treat, he would gently take it from your fingers. He especially enjoyed getting baby carrots from Jack or Kumquat.
He hated water – especially baths. He had the most distinct “cry” when he’d get a bath. The rain bothered him but he tolerated it. He also hated being tied up outside of Safeway and Starbucks but he was always a good boy out there. Yes, he chewed up some of our things, scratched up the bottom of our sofa, shed twice a year, was a little stubborn, super cat-like, and was a little barky at some of the neighborhood dogs but all in all he was still the best dog we could have asked for. I’m sure we’ll find his hair everywhere in the house for many months and maybe years to come but I’m ok with that.
Here’s a video of how playful he was. He cracks me up sometimes.
His best friend was Fabian Fox and had a whole posse of stuffed buddies that he’s left behind.
Here’s a video of him with one of his first toys. What a cute little puppy he was!!!
If you’ve ever watched him for us, you’d know the drill about him and public places. The usual script would be: “Yes, he’s full grown.” “No he’s not a fox.” “He’s a shiba inu.” “You can try to pet him but he won’t let you.”
He loved to nap all day and preferred the couch when no one is home. He also enjoyed sitting by the window to watch the trees sway in the wind. When his water bowl was empty, he’d let you know by sitting right in front of you and staring or going over to the bowl and digging inside to make a noise. One time, he told me he needed water by looking at me, then his bowl, then the fridge, and then back at the bowl. Genius.
I could go on and on about him and I’m so thankful for having this blog for him. Maka Koa will always be a huge part of me and this family.
I’m so thankful that Kumquat was able to know him as GoGo. This afternoon, she saw his leash on the floor and went looking for him. It made me sad but also thankful that he had such an impact on her early childhood.
Dear Koa Bear,
Thank you for being the best dog ever. We love you and will never forget you. I hope that you are at peace now and have plenty of grass to sniff and oodles of things to pee on.Say hello to Genie, Cookie, Pepsi, Doogie, Franny, Zooey, and Smush for us, k? They’ll show you around.
We’ve got a little update on Koa. This morning, the internal medicine vet had an ultrasound done on his kidneys and it didn’t show any cancer or physical damage. They did another test on his blood and it only showed a slight improvement in his creatinine levels. Last night it was around 9 and today it was 7. Normal is around 1.5 but 5 is acceptable. Hm. We also learned that his urine has a high level of protein in it meaning that his kidneys are not filtering out protein as it should.
We visited Koa this afternoon and it was really hard on me. I don’t know if it was because I was feeling selfish about wanting my time with Koa without having to watch Kumquat or if it was because I had to turn on my clinical brain and evaluate his behavior to determine whether it was worth keeping him around. Regardless of what it was, it was really hard spending the 10 minutes (that felt like 30) in that room with him. They have been pushing fluids around the clock and had to put in a catheter to closely monitor his urinary output. We’re waiting for his urinalysis results to see if there’s any bacteria or white/red blood cells in it but we don’t have it yet.Kumquat was so sweet to give him a little snuggle and Jes was so sweet saying “hi buddy” and “you’re a good dog”.
I got so overwhelmed that I started to cry. Somehow the dog sensed it and he walked over to me just like he used to when I was home alone during Jes’ North Carolina days. That’s when the tears started to really flow and I just gave him the biggest, longest hug he’s ever gotten from me. What do I do now?! I’m trying to be objective here but he’s not the Koa I know. Yes, he’s looking better than yesterday and yes, he will probably survive a little longer with a new diet, injections, and lower activity level expectations. But is he suffering? Is he going to have the same quality of life has he did before? Am I just delaying the inevitable? I don’t want to go through this again.
So he’s at the hospital for one more night and we brought him a toy to sleep with in the kennel tonight. The doctor will run a blood test again in the morning and then we’ll have to really decide what to do. Why does this have to be so hard?
So now I’m home and have decided that the only thing I can handle right now is a toddler on the couch watching her favorite Old MacDonald video with a container of pasta and broccoli while I drown my conflicted mind in boxed wine from Target. Don’t judge. This is all I’m capable of doing at the moment. I’ll have another update tomorrow.
I had the day off today because I have to work on Saturday. After Kumquat’s nap, we headed out to Golden Gate Park for a 4-mile run with Ranee and Sophie. After the run and a little playtime at the park, we went to Pa’ina for a little HH. Before heading out, Ranee called the restaurant to ask two things:
1. What time is Happy Hour?
2. Do you have highchairs?
Haha. That’s how two hardworking moms do it. The kalua pork and cheese fries, poke and COCKTAILS were awesome. I love random days off.
This girls were pretty cute too with their pretend phones.
We went to Reese’s 3rd birthday party today and Kumquat and I had a little drama. Kumquat’s favorite toy of the day was this shopping cart. She had such a good time pushing and pulling it back and forth in the front yard. That was until an older girl came by and tried to take it from her. They struggled for a bit and Janie really held her own but eventually the older girl won and Janie was left in tears. I tried my best to mediate but the girl won because 1) The older girl is bigger and stronger, 2) I didn’t want to cause any drama with Michelle and Ryan’s new friends and 3) I don’t really know what the rules of sharing are anymore. Kumquat was playing with it for a while so is this one of those situations when she’s supposed to let others play with it too? All I know is that I now had a distraught little girl in my lap because someone had interrupted a perfectly good activity that she was thoroughly enjoying. Honestly, I wanted to cry too.
Well, of course the girl played with it for only a few minutes and abandoned it in the play room. Kumquat found it again and was so happy to have it back. Not even a minute later, the same girl came by and took it from her again!!!! Kumquat cried and I didn’t know what I should have done. Do I yell at the girl to stop bullying a much younger girl who has no idea what “sharing” means? Do I stand by and watch the bullying happen? Do I allow Kumquat to fend for herself with the risk of someone getting physically hurt? I could see the fight in Kumquat’s face and she was ready to throw down! Alas, I wimped out and allowed the girl to take the shopping cart once again as I consoled my daughter with a red guitar, which seemed to help distract her for the moment. I just kept telling her (and myself) that they would be going home soon and then Janie would have the shopping cart all to herself for the rest of the evening. I was also putting on my mental to-do list to go online tonight to order Janie her very own shopping cart from Amazon.
So, as I had promised, the girl finally went home and Janie had the shopping cart all to herself and went about her merry way. She had her balloon, fairy wings, and the shopping cart for hours to pushing, pulling, and playing without the threat of a bully taking it all away from her again.
On Saturday morning, I went for a run and went to the Farmers’ Market with Kumquat. It had been at least a month since I had gone and it was nice to be back. Kumquat got to run around a bit and of course, tasted lots of fruit. This picture looks like she has secret service watching after her. After picking up some pluots, pears, and persimmons, we went to Hog Island for a tasty lunch. 
Ah…what a delicious feast. I had the gem lettuce salad, kumamoto oysters, baked oysters, and my favorite clam chowder.
After Kumquat’s nap, we headed down to Redwood City to check out Jason and Jia’s new place. We brought them a big box of fancy sparkling water and we said “cheers!”
They moved last weekend and it’s a bigger, less expensive place with plenty of parking. It looks like everyone has made themselves pretty comfy there already and I was a good lounge chair that evening.
For dinner, we went to La Viga and they had pretty good seafood. Kumquat seemed to enjoy the chips and habanero salsa. I’m amazed that she can tolerate so much heat! It’s the combination of Thai blood and her dad’s tastebuds I guess.
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